The Mister is taking it hard……..
So I told y’all last week that my mister’s dad died…. Well I talked to him that evening…. And then he went disappearing on me after that…… I was trying very hard to be patient and understanding but he wasn’t answering my text messages or my phone calls.
He had pretty much just went disappearing on me…And my problem was that I instantly got defensive because it reminded me of the disappearing acts that my ex used to pull… Even though this was a TOTALLY different scenario it was hard to grasp that he’s grieving and that’s why he was missing in action.
I had planned on attending the funeral to support my mister.. But I figured that considering how he was acting it was gonna be a situation that he was gonna tell me about the funeral too late. My suspicions were right. He called and scared the mess out of me because I was knocked out when my phone started ringing at 2 in the morning. He couldn’t sleep. Of course he apologized for going into withdrawal mode over and over again. Considering I didn’t know when I would talk to him again I asked about the funeral and he stated that it was in the morning. I asked him why he didn’t tell me because I wanted to be there for him. And of course he was just like I kept that information hid from a lot of people. So I’m kind of getting the hint that he wants to grieve in private. I initially thought I was going to be upset if he didn’t share the funeral information with me but I really wasn’t…..
So as of right now I still really don’t know how he’s actually doing..I didn’t want to ask too many questions because I didn’t want him to shut down on me….Considering the way he has been acting I can assume that it’s rough on him…I knew this was his first death so I wasn’t for sure how he was going to react. His reaction probably caught him off guard as well.
So I’m definitely trying to work on my patience….I’m really trying to comprehend that he’s pulling away because he’s grieving for his father and it’s not deliberate. I’m not gonna lie I had to check myself because I was getting a SERIOUS ATTITUDE.
So continue to pray for my mister, his family, and myself…..
Ms80sbaby's Blog 
You guys are in my prayers. Let me give you my personal testimony and hopefully it will help you deal with it. I am a very private griever. I really need to process everything at my level first before I let the whole world in. You have to be very close/familiar to me (or a total stranger) to see me unraveled… It’s a bad habit, but it’s a tough one to break.
Last month, I lost my grandmother. The one who has inspired everything I want to do with my life. I haven’t seen her in forever. And the last time I talked to her, she told me that money and degrees are not as important as family and I should come back home before she passes. And she passed. I have been devastated for a minute. I stopped updating my FB page, and stopped picking phone calls. People are pi$$ed off and taking it personal that I haven’t shared that with them…. But that’s just how I deal with that kind of stuff. I have to make sense of it all. I am also afraid of people not understanding/getting the depth of my grief… Especially people I care deeply about, and I believe that’s probably why Your Mister is keeping his distance… Give him some time but let him know in subtle ways that you are there for him. Try to prevent his needs if you can: things like checking on his bills, and mundane things that he won’t have time to think about… Those little things go a long way into realizing that people just want to help. A couple friend of mine pooled together money for me to send to my folks for the funeral without them knowing that I intended to do that… and it touched me beyond belief… So be there for him in ways others won’t. Please don’t resent him, it’s hard for “doers” to grieve publicly.
Stay strong darl.
Thanks LP!!!!! First of, I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. May you cherish and be grateful of the memories that you share with her…..
I needed to hear/read your testimony… I’ve done a better job this week with being understanding and patient…… Initially, I just kept looking at it like why is he pushing me away and why is he not allowing me to be there for him…..And I know I shouldn’t have been looking at like that.
But I’m still there for him…Just kind of there for him at a distance since he’s still in GA.
Awwww yall are all in my prayers!
Like LP said, I’m a private griever too. I’ve been with friends immediately after finding out a family member passed and they’ve been none the wiser that the loss occured or I mention it very briefly and move on.
LP – I am sorry to hear about your grandma. My prayers are with you too chica!
And you have to understand, it’s his father. I can’t even imagine losing a parent. Actually I’ve thought about it and broke the f*ck down, and I don’t even think that comes to the grief I’ll feel if/when it really does happen. So give him time. There’s no quick fix.
You’re right V..It is his father and I need to always remember that…..And there is definitely no quick fix….
I’ve been there right with you. I’m terrified whenever my parents and sister are traveling somewhere because I always think of the possibility of an accident and me losing all of them…. I BREAK DOWN AT THE THOUGHT EVERYTIME….. I hated when they all came together to pick me up from school.. 😦
Thanks ladies for putting me in check…We’ve actually talked more and he seems to be doing better…He’s still down there and actually plans on being there for a while…He is pretty much taking care of everything. His mom is also still down there with him as well….
He’s supposed to be coming home this weekend to bring his mom back and I can’t wait to see him… 🙂
You are so sweet!