Home > Uncategorized > It’s been way tooooo long……

It’s been way tooooo long……

I’ve been gone for quite a while… And so much has happened…..

But I felt like writing today and the topic at hand is that I’M SINGLE….

So I’ve been in a relationship for the last 6 months and for the most part everything was GREAT…We had our communication issues. But it was nothing that I didn’t think we couldn’t overcome…..

And the most important thing is that these communications issues didn’t arise until after his dad’s death…. This was the first death that he has experienced so I already knew it would have an affect on him… Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I’m a “death expert” but I’ve exeperienced my share of death and I’ve learned that you accept it and you learn how to cope.

Unfortunately, that’s not what my mister did…..He has allowed his father’s death to give him a reason to act out….Now when he was staying in Atlanta after his dad died I felt like it was too much for him to be responsible for everything…For one this is your first death. Your dad pretty much died in your arms in the house…And then you continue to stay at the house by yourself… .Now I know with me it took me a long time before I could be in my great grandmother’s house by myself. All my life I’ve walked into this house and expected to see my great grandmother…It took a while to get used to the fact that she was no longer physically present….So my mister was just staying in the house by himself..Going through things….And just pretty much cleaning it up…Packing things up and so forth….

So I noticed that he was going to the bars pretty much on a daily basis when he was staying in ATL…. I feel like my father went to alcohol after the death of his twin sister and I didn’t want my mister going down the same path… I told him that depending on substances were NOT the answer…. Also, while he was in Atl he was on a leave of absence from his job….. So I kept telling him that he was able to live in a fantasy world in ATL with pretty much no responsibility… But that was going to end and he was going to have to FACE reality…

So when he came back to Ky for good I was thinking okay he’ll be back to reality….He’s gonna have some structure…He’ll be good….No..He lasted maybe a week or two back to reality..And then again he ran from reality….We had been hanging out and I didn’t really realize anything was different…. Until I got a phone call from his mother. His mother had went through one of his cell phone bills found my number and called me….She went on to say that they hadn’t seen my mister in weeks…I was completely caught off guard..I was like what do you mean…I’m like everytime he leaves or comes to my house he’s supposedly coming from home…

So that night me and my mister had originally had plans to go out for dinner…So I played it real cool…I just sat and listened to the lies that were coming from his mouth….Once we made it back to my place..We were sitting on the couch and I looked at him and I said talk to me….I told him that I had talked to his mom so I know he’s been lying to me..So what is going on….. His response was I have been lying to you… He seemed kind of relieved to get it off of his chest…So he had told me that he had recieved some money from his dad when he died..And he felt like people kept talking about the money…You should invest it… The stepdaddy said you should give some to your mother… His thing was people had forgot what he just went through and was only focused on the money part instead of asking how he’s doing….. I told him that I could see why that could upset him..But at the same time it’s no reason for him to run.. I told him that he can’t just run and create some fantasy world when things get tough…I explained to him that I don’t do disappearing acts and went on to explain my experiences with them and how they were very hurtful. I also let him know that I was concerned that he would disappear on me. I said if you can disappear on your own mother..Then what makes me think I’m safe..That you won’t disappear on me…. He assured me that he was NOT going to disappear on me…I also told him that if he feels like he have to keep stuff from me then it’s a problem…

In the midst of all of this we celebrated his bday…We had originally planned to go to Gatlinburg but after this I honestly did NOT want to go….But I just chalked it up and we went ahead and went….We came back May 23rd..And I haven’t seen him since…We continued to talk on the phone and stuff and on Wednesday June 1st he called and said that he was coming over once I got in from work.. He didn’t show…Haven’t heard from him since.

So my thing was like okay I guess he disappeared on me…He got tired of me saying he needed to go home…And I forgot to mention that he was staying with his cousin…A lil young girl….Where over there nobody was asking him about anything and he could do as he pleased…Well, when he was at my apt… I was on him like you need to go home…U need to find a job.. Since he had quit his..I kind of felt like I was being Momma… I hate having to be Momma!!!!! So he went missing on me too…

I had assumed that he was just still staying with the cousin and that was that…. But every now and then the situation would cross my mind and I would think about his mom. We had talked quite a bit since this whole ordeal I felt like I was being the middle man….I just knew she was worried sick so I would let her know that he’s physically okay….And once he disappeared on me I just wanted to be removed from the situation because I didn’t want folks thinking he was with me….

So I ended up texting the mom on wednesday asking if he has came home or if she’s seen him… Her response was NO!!!!! She said that she has not heard from him in 3 weeks or more…..She was asking me what was going on and I told her I don’t know because I haven’t seen or heard from him in a couple weeks….She was still under the impression that he was staying at the cousins house….

Now mind you the cousin stay in the same town as me…Just on the other side…Probably about 15 minutes away..I know the complex and everything….. My thing is I ain’t looking for nobody that doesn’t want to be found…So I absolutely refused to go to her complex…… So I reach out to the cousin’s brother…. I simply sent him a text on facebook that said next time you talk to my mister have him call me…His response ain’t nobody seen him…. I was like his mom think she staying with your sister…He said his sister ain’t seen him…Then he also said but he gets like that where no one will know where he is…

Okay so my thoughts!!!!!!!! This ninja is crazy as HELL!!!!!!!!!! I just don’t understand how you just run away……I hope his crazy @ss is okay…And the sad thing is that something could be seriously wrong but because this a pattern of yours everybody is just waiting for you to show up again….

I’m soooooo done…I don’t do disappearing acts…I learned my lesson with the married ex…. I refuse to let anybody walk in and out of my life…If you can just walk away from me a first time than you can just as easily walk away a second, third and how many other times…So not interested in that at all…

So I’ve been praying that he’s safe and he has sense enough to go home…..But we shall see how this story unfolds….

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. June 17, 2011 at 11:05 am

    First off – YAYYYYYYYY for a new post. I missed ya!

    I don’t know why, but this cracked me up: “This ninja is crazy as HELL!!!!!!!!!! I just don’t understand how you just run away……I hope his crazy @ss is okay”

    I will say there is no blueprint for how one handles death. But since others have suggested that running is his MO when things get tough, that just may be who he is.

    I know it’s hard for both of yall. If it was my mama or daddy I wouldn’t be surprised if I ran away and went on a 6 month bender. Lol!

    Don’t be too hard on him 😦

    • ms80sbaby
      June 17, 2011 at 12:53 pm

      I missed ya too!!!! How’s ur neice? U got a new job? What u doing for your bday????

      But anywho you are exactly right regarding a blueprint regarding death…But you just don’t run????

      To be honest I just want him to be okay…And I don’t plan on being hard of him..Heck I’m not even mad…I’m more disappointed than anything..Because we’ve had the conversations about disappearing act and how I’ve been hurt by one before..So he already knew that this is something that I will NOT tolerate…..We can be the best of friends but anything else…Ummm naaaaahhhhh buddy!!!

      I’m thinking at 6 months I really don’t have that much time invested…He has some qualities that I’m looking for in a mate..a husband…But I need to know that as a couple if we ever have an issue I need to know that he his going to be there for me…I don’t want him running and having me handle ish on my own….So from that point of view…The trust is gone..I can NOT 100% count on him to be there for me..And that’s a deal breaker for me…..

  2. Holly GoLightly
    June 17, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    80s all I have to say is you a STRONG woman… I would have been running around like Jennifer singing “Where you at??” Kudos to you girl…. I pray though that mister is ok and will soon get over this…

    • June 17, 2011 at 12:52 pm

      I would have been running around like Jennifer singing “Where you at??”

      Bwhahahahahaha! But why did I start singing it. My coworkers think I am crazy. Toooo funny 🙂

      • Holly GoLightly
        June 17, 2011 at 3:36 pm

        hmmmm you are… lololol (i kid i kid)…. But ya’ll know I am a very emo person so I would have taken that really personal. I am actually going through something similar with a guy I have been dating for the past few months… He’s going through a rough patch in life and this mofo has stop doing the stuff that got him in the good spot! I am contemplating a let go this weekend…. cause I got too many t-shirts and they need to be thrown away!

      • ms80sbaby
        June 20, 2011 at 8:05 am

        I don’t understand the whole when I’m going thru it then my whole world is impacted mentality that guys have…. Should we start blaming these mommas? Because that mentality is for the birds!!! Especially when we are on the sidelines trying to be their biggest cheerleaders….. Good luck with it Holly!!!!!

    • ms80sbaby
      June 17, 2011 at 1:03 pm

      Holly….This strength has come thru experience!!!! My married ex used to pull disappearing acts…And then just try to reappear like it wasn’t nothing… Hell his ass is still reappearing and he married…. I digressed but anywho the first time my married ex disappeared on me…IT HURT LIKE HELL…..To be expecting to spend time with someone for the evening and then it ends up being a situation where you get no warning whatsoever and they end up just disappearing on you….Yeah that ish is for the birds…

      So needless to say I ain’t looking for nobody that wants to be found….You want to go missing in action so I’mma just keep letting you be MISSING….

      • Holly GoLightly
        June 17, 2011 at 3:38 pm

        “So needless to say I ain’t looking for nobody that wants to be found….You want to go missing in action so I’mma just keep letting you be MISSING….”

        Definitely like this!!! I agree with you, but sometimes I feel like a glutin for punishment because I will go look! lol… but I have to stop cause I am only hurting myself .

  3. L.P.
    June 20, 2011 at 9:13 am

    I miss ya… and was worried about you too! Glad to know you are okay. 🙂

    Def, people react differently to things… I tend to do disappearing acts, but mostly withdrawing to myself when things get tough… and it’s hard on everybody around me. So I understand why you wouldn’t allow it. It’s an habit of mine that I’m trying to change… but it’s tough for control freaks to ask for help.

    Hope he is safe and I totally appreciate the approach you took. Stay away until he manifests a need or reason to get back into your life.

    Stay strong chick.

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