It’s been way tooooo long……

June 17, 2011 9 comments

I’ve been gone for quite a while… And so much has happened…..

But I felt like writing today and the topic at hand is that I’M SINGLE….

So I’ve been in a relationship for the last 6 months and for the most part everything was GREAT…We had our communication issues. But it was nothing that I didn’t think we couldn’t overcome…..

And the most important thing is that these communications issues didn’t arise until after his dad’s death…. This was the first death that he has experienced so I already knew it would have an affect on him… Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I’m a “death expert” but I’ve exeperienced my share of death and I’ve learned that you accept it and you learn how to cope.

Unfortunately, that’s not what my mister did…..He has allowed his father’s death to give him a reason to act out….Now when he was staying in Atlanta after his dad died I felt like it was too much for him to be responsible for everything…For one this is your first death. Your dad pretty much died in your arms in the house…And then you continue to stay at the house by yourself… .Now I know with me it took me a long time before I could be in my great grandmother’s house by myself. All my life I’ve walked into this house and expected to see my great grandmother…It took a while to get used to the fact that she was no longer physically present….So my mister was just staying in the house by himself..Going through things….And just pretty much cleaning it up…Packing things up and so forth….

So I noticed that he was going to the bars pretty much on a daily basis when he was staying in ATL…. I feel like my father went to alcohol after the death of his twin sister and I didn’t want my mister going down the same path… I told him that depending on substances were NOT the answer…. Also, while he was in Atl he was on a leave of absence from his job….. So I kept telling him that he was able to live in a fantasy world in ATL with pretty much no responsibility… But that was going to end and he was going to have to FACE reality…

So when he came back to Ky for good I was thinking okay he’ll be back to reality….He’s gonna have some structure…He’ll be good….No..He lasted maybe a week or two back to reality..And then again he ran from reality….We had been hanging out and I didn’t really realize anything was different…. Until I got a phone call from his mother. His mother had went through one of his cell phone bills found my number and called me….She went on to say that they hadn’t seen my mister in weeks…I was completely caught off guard..I was like what do you mean…I’m like everytime he leaves or comes to my house he’s supposedly coming from home…

So that night me and my mister had originally had plans to go out for dinner…So I played it real cool…I just sat and listened to the lies that were coming from his mouth….Once we made it back to my place..We were sitting on the couch and I looked at him and I said talk to me….I told him that I had talked to his mom so I know he’s been lying to me..So what is going on….. His response was I have been lying to you… He seemed kind of relieved to get it off of his chest…So he had told me that he had recieved some money from his dad when he died..And he felt like people kept talking about the money…You should invest it… The stepdaddy said you should give some to your mother… His thing was people had forgot what he just went through and was only focused on the money part instead of asking how he’s doing….. I told him that I could see why that could upset him..But at the same time it’s no reason for him to run.. I told him that he can’t just run and create some fantasy world when things get tough…I explained to him that I don’t do disappearing acts and went on to explain my experiences with them and how they were very hurtful. I also let him know that I was concerned that he would disappear on me. I said if you can disappear on your own mother..Then what makes me think I’m safe..That you won’t disappear on me…. He assured me that he was NOT going to disappear on me…I also told him that if he feels like he have to keep stuff from me then it’s a problem…

In the midst of all of this we celebrated his bday…We had originally planned to go to Gatlinburg but after this I honestly did NOT want to go….But I just chalked it up and we went ahead and went….We came back May 23rd..And I haven’t seen him since…We continued to talk on the phone and stuff and on Wednesday June 1st he called and said that he was coming over once I got in from work.. He didn’t show…Haven’t heard from him since.

So my thing was like okay I guess he disappeared on me…He got tired of me saying he needed to go home…And I forgot to mention that he was staying with his cousin…A lil young girl….Where over there nobody was asking him about anything and he could do as he pleased…Well, when he was at my apt… I was on him like you need to go home…U need to find a job.. Since he had quit his..I kind of felt like I was being Momma… I hate having to be Momma!!!!! So he went missing on me too…

I had assumed that he was just still staying with the cousin and that was that…. But every now and then the situation would cross my mind and I would think about his mom. We had talked quite a bit since this whole ordeal I felt like I was being the middle man….I just knew she was worried sick so I would let her know that he’s physically okay….And once he disappeared on me I just wanted to be removed from the situation because I didn’t want folks thinking he was with me….

So I ended up texting the mom on wednesday asking if he has came home or if she’s seen him… Her response was NO!!!!! She said that she has not heard from him in 3 weeks or more…..She was asking me what was going on and I told her I don’t know because I haven’t seen or heard from him in a couple weeks….She was still under the impression that he was staying at the cousins house….

Now mind you the cousin stay in the same town as me…Just on the other side…Probably about 15 minutes away..I know the complex and everything….. My thing is I ain’t looking for nobody that doesn’t want to be found…So I absolutely refused to go to her complex…… So I reach out to the cousin’s brother…. I simply sent him a text on facebook that said next time you talk to my mister have him call me…His response ain’t nobody seen him…. I was like his mom think she staying with your sister…He said his sister ain’t seen him…Then he also said but he gets like that where no one will know where he is…

Okay so my thoughts!!!!!!!! This ninja is crazy as HELL!!!!!!!!!! I just don’t understand how you just run away……I hope his crazy @ss is okay…And the sad thing is that something could be seriously wrong but because this a pattern of yours everybody is just waiting for you to show up again….

I’m soooooo done…I don’t do disappearing acts…I learned my lesson with the married ex…. I refuse to let anybody walk in and out of my life…If you can just walk away from me a first time than you can just as easily walk away a second, third and how many other times…So not interested in that at all…

So I’ve been praying that he’s safe and he has sense enough to go home…..But we shall see how this story unfolds….

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Swollen lip returned

April 7, 2011 2 comments

Sooooo about 7 years ago I had a lil bump by my mouth and I was thinking it was just a regular pimple and I picked with it…That next day my bottom lip was HUGE. I went to our campus nurse and she asked if I had insurance and she then sent me to the doctor. My lip was huge and painful and that didn’t stop the dr from squeezing it thinking some kind of fluid/infection needed to be drain. Luckily there was no drainage. So he then made me an appt w/ a ear, nose, and throat specialist. This man gave me a numbing shot in my lip and then proceeded to dig around in my lip but again nothing was in there….This dr. made me come back everyday for like 3 days straight. He even had me coming back after the weekend.

I guess I didn’t learn my lesson the last time. Last Thursday night I had a painful bump forming. So I messed with it… Woke up Friday didn’t really think nothing of it…Got to work and started noticing my lip was swelling a bit…So I went and got some ice from our cafeteria. That pretty much got it under control. I drove home to Ohio and by time I got home it had swelled up again…Went to a revival service and it was still swelling. So I went over my grandma’s house…I started putting heat on it and the swelling started to go down. My grandma gave me this ice thing to put on it and it swelled right on back up….I woke up in the middle of the night on Saturday in pain because my lip was hurting really bad and it had swelled up even more.

So that next morning I went to urgent care…. If this hadn’t have happened before I would have been terrifed at the doctor’s response….He was literally like OH MY…..He said that it was a fever blister that had spiraled out of control and could possibly be infected…I was terrified…Thinking infected…Infected with what????? He mentioned the word staph??? He said it’s possible an airborne virus could have hit it….. He had a nurse give me a cortisone shot in my butt to reduce the swelling.I was embarrassed…LOL And prescribed a gel and some antibiotics.

So my lip kind of started going down on Saturday but not fast enough for me…..I wasn’t just gonna be hiding out in my parent’s house so I still carried on with my normal business…..So on Sunday it was starting to go down….I noticed that applying pressure/heat was helping to relieve the pain…… Unfortunately it made my lip swell ALL THE WAY BACK UP…So I made another doctor’s appt for Tuesday with my mom’s dr.

She pretty much gave me the same diagnosis that she thinks its a fever blister and this must be the way my body reacts to them after I pick with them . I had mentioned the other dr said something about STAPH and she calmed me because she stated that my lip was just swollen and there was no kind of infection that needed to be drained. She also mentioned since it was just swollen she didn’t want to cut on my lip if she didn’t have to… *OUCH*…So she prescribed me some medication..Some steroids to help with the swelling.

It’s finally starting to come down and I returned back to work yesterday for a half a day. Since I work in a hospital I am still kind of paranoid about STAPH and MRSA and all that other stuff floating in the air so I wore a mask…..I could care less about the stares I just want my lip to heal without any other complications…..

So I promise from here on out I WILL NOT TOUCH ANY BUMP/PIMPLE AROUND MY LIP….Obviously my lip gets mad at me when I do that and REACTS…LOL

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Operation NEW has begun

March 30, 2011 4 comments

So the other day I mentioned how I was ready for something new….Well I am serious. I’ve already applied to 3 different jobs….These jobs happen to be in the cincy area….I definitely want to relocate. I’m open to the idea of going back home…Even staying in the KY…. Possibly going to GA with my sis….Right now I’m pretty much going where the jobs are….And the jobs I’m seeing so far will have me moving back home which will be totally alright with me.

So wish me luck….Because I’m ready for Operation New…People keep asking what it means…I’m like NEW SCENERY, NEW CAREER, NEW ENVIRONMENT…I’m just ready for ALL NEW EVERYTHING…

So wish me luck…But I’m ready….So ready… 🙂

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Time to go……….

March 28, 2011 1 comment

Last week I got the news that my supervisor was leaving and I am sooooo saddened. People say what they want about my supervisor because she does get her disappearing act on. But at the same time in my opinion she is a good supervisor. She is not a micromanager. She is not asking me for a hourly or daily report. She knows that I’m doing what I’m supposed to do and if there is a problem then I will SEEK her for assistance. I’m not wasting her time by involving her in every assignment.

We have a great work relationship. Just last week there was a situation that I had handled but because I was dealing with some bigwigs I needed her to send an email as my supervisor to nip the situation in the bud. I just went to her office and said look this is the situation. Email was sent and situation was handled.

I’ve gotten great performance reviews and she’s even thanked me for remaining under the radar because I have coworkers who make it a point to include her in everything. Helllooooo, she does have her own responsibilites. So yeah I’m a lil sad that she’s leaving…But at the same time she has a heck of a commute and I know she’s been looking for a while so I am genuinely happy for her…Not to mention she’s put in for the supervisor position above her supervisor position and she wasn’t selected a few times. So I know that had to feel like a slap in the face. So I’m glad that she was finally able to find her position.

With her leaving that just kind of opened my eyes too because it’s time. I’m so ready for a change. Change of scenery, change of career…Pretty much change of everything….. So just wish me luck because I’m READY….. I AM BEYOND READY!!!!

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March 18, 2011 Leave a comment

Yayyyyyyyyy!!!!! It’s Friday and it’s a payday…Awwww sooky sooky now…..

So 2010 was an extremely expensive year for me….I’m talking about new tires, new brakes, bridesmaid duties, my momma’s big 50th bday party, my sister’s 30th bday party, and misc trips. So yeah I spent some MONEY!!!!! Unfortunately I was a swiping fool. I do not like interest charges. So regardless of how much I spent for the month on my credit card I paid it off in it’s entirety once the bill came. I’m shaking my head at how much my statements used to be a month. I went plum crazy. Needless to say I didn’t do much saving. And I constantly dipped into my savings account. So you know what that mean. Savings account depleted.

Luckily for me I didn’t continue to just spend like crazy. I decided to sit my butt down in 2011 and get my finances under control. I am doing good. Still playing a lil bit of catch up from 2010. But it’s coming together….

As I sat and looked at my financial spreadsheet this morning initially I was unhappy. *sad face* I am not happy about my savings account balance. And with me playing catch up I’m still not saving like I would like. I decided that I’m gonna have to go back to what I know which is writing everything down….Even though I get cash rewards back from my credit card I can’t continue to use it because I end up swiping carelessly. So I’m going back to my debit card and keeping track of every purchase.

So I started off unhappy and then I realized that once I met my goal of paying my car off next month then I’ll be officially back to saving.So I got excited again. Because at the very least the amount of my car payment will be getting deposited to my savings account automatically. So ontop of my car payment I’ll also be saving the regular amount that I have allotted for each pay period…I got to calculating and if I do right (which I definitely plan on) my savings account will bounce right on back.

But I can say 2010 was a heck of a year for me…So although I spent way tooooooo much money I had some greatttttt times……

Have a great weekend folks!!!!

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The Mister is taking it hard……..

March 14, 2011 6 comments

So I told y’all last week that my mister’s dad died…. Well I talked to him that evening…. And then he went disappearing on me after that…… I was trying very hard to be patient and understanding but he wasn’t answering my text messages or my phone calls.

He had pretty much just went disappearing on me…And my problem was that I instantly got defensive because it reminded me of the disappearing acts that my ex used to pull… Even though this was a TOTALLY different scenario it was hard to grasp that he’s grieving and that’s why he was missing in action.

I had planned on attending the funeral to support my mister.. But I figured that considering how he was acting it was gonna be a situation that he was gonna tell me about the funeral too late. My suspicions were right. He called and scared the mess out of me because I was knocked out when my phone started ringing at 2 in the morning. He couldn’t sleep. Of course he apologized for going into withdrawal mode over and over again. Considering I didn’t know when I would talk to him again I asked about the funeral and he stated that it was in the morning. I asked him why he didn’t tell me because I wanted to be there for him. And of course he was just like I kept that information hid from a lot of people. So I’m kind of getting the hint that he wants to grieve in private. I initially thought I was going to be upset if he didn’t share the funeral information with me but I really wasn’t…..

So as of right now I still really don’t know how he’s actually doing..I didn’t want to ask too many questions because I didn’t want him to shut down on me….Considering the way he has been acting I can assume that it’s rough on him…I knew this was his first death so I wasn’t for sure how he was going to react. His reaction probably caught him off guard as well.

So I’m definitely trying to work on my patience….I’m really trying to comprehend that he’s pulling away because he’s grieving for his father and it’s not deliberate. I’m not gonna lie I had to check myself because I was getting a SERIOUS ATTITUDE.

So continue to pray for my mister, his family, and myself…..

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What a Day, What a Day

March 10, 2011 2 comments

I had a GREAT weekend. Me and a group of friends went to ATL for one of my sister’s best friends birthday and we HAD A BALL!!!!!! We kicked it. We did a lot but not to the point where we overdid it.

In my last post I mentioned how my mister ended going to ATL to stay for a while with his dad. Of course I couldn’t go to the ATL without seeing my mister. We spent a decent amount of time together on Saturday. The poor man had got lost coming to my sister’s house and it took him FOREVER….A 20 minute ride took him over a hour :/. So by time he comes to me he’s frustrated for getting turned around..He has no patience due to the situation with his dad..I’m tired of sitting and waiting on him…..And I’m cranky because I had been up past 6 oclock in the morning the last 2 nights…. So we were bumping heads….

Our outing ended up getting cut short because I had to start getting ready for the birthday dinner and his dad had called wanting him to bring him something to eat. It really wasn’t no biggie because he was getting on my nerves and I was getting on his nerves so we went our seperate ways….That night he met back up with us at the club. I had asked if he was gonna come back to my sister’s for a couple of hours after the club….He was like why don’t you just come back with me since I’m going back to that church by your sister’s house and I’ll drop you off in the morning….. I was like you trying to have your daddy thinking I’m fast…LOL He assured me his daddy wasn’t like that and everything would be fine….So I ended up going back with him and of course we were thinking the daddy was going to be sleep. Nope. The daddy was up watching tv. *Awkward*

Me and the dad were introduced. And he did NOT look good to me at all. My mister doesn’t really like to talk about his dad’s cancer so I knew it was serious but I didn’t know how serious. But after I seen the dad I was like okay, this man looks like he’s about to die…. I just didn’t know if my mister thought that too. Although he was sitting up watching tv he was just kind of sitting there lifeless. Honestly, he scared the mess out of me. I had seen pictures from when my mister was a baby. And his dad was a nice looking man and if I’m not mistaken should be in his late forties or possibly early fifties. His dad looked like an old man :(.

So my mister has been in ATL for about a week and a 1/2. Yesterday, I get a text from my mister saying today has been a bad day and it’s the worst day of his life…. So I’m like what’s going on….He texts back… DAD…So I was already thinking uh oh. I asked if he was okay and he said No. I asked if he had to get him to the hospital and he said yes. He finally said that his daddy went into cardiac arrest. So we texted for a few and then I call him when I’m leaving work. He says that they have his dad holding on until his grandma is able to get there and this was about 4:30.

About 7:15 I recieved a text saying that he was gone. I was thinking to myself DAMN!! I was more concerned about my mister though. Because he’s never experienced death and I knew there wasn’t family in ATL. I was hoping the grandma made it but she was traveling from KY so I assumed she hadn’t made it yet. I just didn’t want him to be alone. He assured me that he wasn’t alone and his dad’s friends had been around majority of the day.He seemed to be holding up okay. I told him to hang in there and I admired what he did because it’s not too many people who would have just picked up and left like he did. I told him he was there for his dad when he needed him most.

Unfortunately, when my mister had initially texted me saying it was a bad day I had already recieved some devastating news a couple of hours earlier so my heart was already heavy. One of my good guy friends from college lost his brother yesterday. I was extremely saddened because I knew how close my college bud was with his siblings. His brother was 25. He’s always had a heart condition but went a lil too hard on his birthday, collapsed, went into a coma, and passed away yesterday morning. When I got the text message saying he passed away my heart literally SANK.

Yesterday was a gloomy day. And NOW I have the worst headache EVER. 😦

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