Home > Uncategorized > A Day with the one and only: B. Michelle

A Day with the one and only: B. Michelle

I had a wonderful weekend. It was great times w/ family, friends, and a potential mate. However, the free entertainment that was provided yesterday takes the cake.

Background: One of our locals went worldwide when she decided to act a plum fool in a cowsuit. Supposedly she was advertising for a local haunted house and thats the reasoning behind the cowsuit. However, with the cowsuit on she acted a plum fool. She was chasing kids, stopping traffic, peeing on people’s porch and just flat out being utterly ridiculous. This happened in October of 2008. Rewind to last year Easter. We’re sitting in the house and my momma barges in like somebody want to speak to y’all. It’s a house full of cousins. Here comes B. Michelle and she says Got Milk and then she bust out in the Dougie. We fell out laughing.

So yesterday the family is over my momma’s house and we’re gathered around the table about to say grace. My little cousin looks out the window and says there go B. Michelle. We think the coast is clear because she keeps walking. All of a sudden she comes back and ring our doorbell. We literally stood there like should we open the door or what. Considering we were about to pray. It was just like we can’t even do that and went ahead and opened the door. So my aunt opens the door tells her to come on in. They ask if she hungry. Of course she says yeah and they tell her to join the circle for prayer. Of course she gets stuck by me. So I end up having to hold her hand.

For one she’s carrying this bell and is ringing it talking about I got a bell. So as my aunt is fixing her a plate she’s trying to sell this perfume that she pulled from her bra to another aunt. Talking about it’s that Elizabeth Taylor and it smells good. They fix her plate and I guess she wasn’t interested in staying because it ended up getting wrapped up and she was gone. We thought that was the end of her. We were wrong.

So a little later on we’re preparing to go to the movies so some of us were standing outside visiting w/ some folks. B. Michelle comes back. I notice her grabbing her crotch. And all I could think of was ugh I was holding her hand earlier. What was funny was my aunt who held her other hand said the same thing after seeing her holding herself. B. Michelle was saying she had to use the bathroom. But she was steady walking so we thought she was going over somebody else’s house. NOPE. Before we knew it she walked to our backyard and kneeled right on next to the trashcan and peed. It was no fence back there or anything. She was just using the bathroom in the middle of the alley. We live on a corner so it was pretty much if somebody would have rhode down the street they would have seen her. Then she comes back to us like what she just did was normal.  I was disgusted.

She still hanging around and everybody is low key moving away from her when she approaches because she done just peed and ain’t washed no kind of hands. We were taking pictures of my godnephew and she was like I want to take a picture w/ him. So we have to scoop him up real quick before she could grab him with them dirty hands. And then she steady trying to sell this perfume. This time though she’s calling it Halle Berry. Talking about I got that Halle Berry for sale. Now mind you she had the perfume in her bra. But I sat there and watched her pull this bag from her shirt. I’m assuming it was in her bra. But she done pulled a wig from out of the bag and then she walks up to me like this is pretty ain’t it. And not only did she pull out that bag w/ the wig but then she pulled the bell from her shirt too. I was just sitting there wondering what the hell else she had in there.

So now she’s still hanging around begging people for change and for a ride. She steady chasing after my aunt trying to get a ride. My aunt is a real germophobe so she steady trying to get away from them hands. Finally she was like now go on Booger. But B. Michelle calmly stated my name is Michelle. Yes, people say Booger in front of her name. Cruel nickname I know. But my aunt had slipped up because we don’t call her that to her face. Some people do. But we’re not that mean.

Anyhow she’s still lingering around and by this time she’s jumping in folks pictures and she wants an Easter photoshoot of her own. Mind you it didn’t happen with my camera. However, I do have her in a picture because she just Kanye’d her way in. It was so funny because my aunt was so pressed about having her picture taken and then B. Michelle jumps in. Still trying to figure out if I’m gonna upload it with the rest of my pictures on fb. I was like that’s what you get. The pic is hilarious by the way.

So it’s later on in the evening and I’m thinking we’re done with her for the day. It’s about 10 and I was gonna go get some gas to prepare for my drive back this morning. I’m just sitting in my car in front of the house. I’m not really in a rush so I happen to pull out my camera since I had left it in the car earlier and start going through pictures. Mind you I’m not paying attention and I had turned on the dome light. All of a sudden I hear this person’s voice and I look up and it’s B. Michelle. She was on the driver’s side and started making her way around the passenger’s side of my car. By this time I’m silently praying that my doors are locked and I was so caught off guard that I froze. But nope. My door was good and unlocked so she just opens the door and is trying to get in telling me to take her to the store. I start grabbing my stuff acting like I just pulled up and I’m like I’m not taking you to the store because I just got back. She steady begging. She said she was trying to get some beer. I told her she shouldn’t be drinking beer on easter and then she said she wanted a cigarette. I told her cigarettes cause cancer. Then she was like you right I need to save my money anyway. But she was steady trying to talk to me talking about our earrings were the same…Kind of…. I wanted to be like no the hell they ain’t…And she had changed her wig.

Finally, I’m back in the house and telling my momma what happened. I’m looking out the windows cause I wanted to go get my gas. Once the coast was clear I took off running to the car. Then when I got back I hit my lights once I was driving up the street so I could go unnoticed. Once I parked I took off running in the house. Yes, I had to do all of that just because of B. Michelle. I’m shaking my head at all of the stuff she took us through. Now, I guess I’m looking forward to the entertainment she’s gonna provide around Memorial Day. Last year she was standing outside of our house waving a flag. So we shall see what she’s gonna do this time……

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. V Renee
    April 5, 2010 at 9:57 am

    I am sitting here with tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. iCant. I don’t know what’s the funniest. You holding her hand. The perfume in her bra. The pissing outside. Or the pulling out of the wig. Bwhahahahahahahahahaahaha!

    Does she have a big chest or something? How does she have room to fit perfume, a bell, a wig AND who knows what else?!?! And is she on drugs?

  2. ms80sbaby
    April 5, 2010 at 10:20 am

    Please don’t forget to add her poppin up out of nowhere trying to get in my car to the what’s funniest list…..

    It’s a big sloppy chest… So I don’t know what’s all going on in there…Girl, I was amazed when she kept pulling stuff out…She had a cup at one point.. I wonder if she stuck that in there too….Kanye shrug…

    I don’t think she’s on drugs…I think it’s more so just the mental thing… Her elevator just don’t go all the way to the top floor. I know she drinks but I can’t say that I’ve heard about her and drugs….You kind of feel sorry for her to a point because she can be overbearing at times. Like when I told her I wasn’t taking her to the store she was acting like she was gonna follow me in the house to see if somebody else was gonna take her….

    It’s sad but she likes attention too. She’s been known to do some pretty crazy stuff for the attention. So I wouldn’t be surprised if somebody dared her to do something w/ some drugs….Who knows??????

  3. April 5, 2010 at 10:30 am

    “and a potential mate.”

    I gotta..start from the boginning..where can i get the cliff notes.

  4. V Renee
    April 5, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    Why did my co-worker just joke and say “for halloween” I’m dressing up like cow lady”?!? And I proceeded to tell him this story. We were dying laughing.

    And oh yeah, who is potential mate?

  5. ms80sbaby
    April 5, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    @V….Soooooo ironic….I know you were like and then and then and then…LOL Yeah, the potential mate jinxed me yesterday because he texted me like you and B. Michelle at the adult easter egg hunt…. I was cracking up and then lo and behold she comes around……

    The potential mate is one of L’s bf’s good friends….At first I was like I don’t know….But I think I’m starting to like him..He’s a really great guy. We’ve been exchanging pleasantries for about a month now…..

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