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It makes sense now……….

**** I’ve missed ya’ll…. However, it’s been crazy… Things are finally starting to simmer down though.. .So I’m back **********

So you guys know that my Ruthie passed away on 3/3/10. Surprisingly, I am still doing okay. It was something about seeing her alive that last time that comforted me. Even in her condition she was still worrying about me and making sure I made it to my destination safely.

Anywho, I still haven’t really boo hoo’ed like I just knew that I was gonna do. I had a moment when I pulled up in front of her house last week. But I sat there and it went away. I was even bold enough to sleep in her room on Friday night even though she passed away in that room just a few days before. Surprisingly, my grandmother has been okay as well. I’m so amazed at her strength. Now, my grandma’s brother (my great grandmother’s son) has been showing out. He gets the side eye.

You know I was going back and forth on whether I would look at her and stuff in the casket. The funeral home allowed us to come on Sunday to view her but all of the younger folk was like nah, we pass. However, when I seen her laying there in the casket I was comforted again. My great grandmother was beautiful. Her nose wasn’t right though. She was so gorgeous in her casket. I was so happy because the funeral home was able to bring her back a whole lot. I actually got to see my great grandma in that casket and not a woman who’s body had been taken over by cancer. (My aunt called frantically saying she need a camera before the funeral started and since I answered I ended up taking her my camera. She took pictures of my great grandma wit my camera and surprisingly I haven’t erased them because she looks just that good. I keep looking at them pictures and smiling because she looked so peaceful.) When I looked at her for the last time in the casket I noticed her hands and I kept my hands on my her. It didn’t matter whether I was playing in her hair, playing with the fat on her arms, or doing whatever I always touched her. Now y’all know I’m Scary Sherry. But I couldn’t just not touch her. Before I knew it I had started rubbing her hands in the casket. Just like ol’ times. I would not have been myself if I didn’t touch her for the last time.

Now, my family is really close and all of us were close with my great grandma. Now, during the time of her suffering I didn’t quite understand it. I’ve wrote before on how I wanted God to take her out of her misery. But I understand all of it now. God already knew that the family would have difficulty dealing with losing her suddenly.

See last year around this time she was referred to Hospice. To me Hospice means death is near. But in my great granny’s case Hospice meant a year. I don’t think y’all are hearing me. My great granny was referred to Hospice a year ago. Within this year, we were able to celebrate her life w/ a dinner in her honor. And most importantly, we were able to prepare and start our grieving process.

See, I’ve thought about this day all my life. The day that Gan Gan would make her transistion. And everytime I thought about this day I cried hysterically. I already knew I was going to be a mess. Even during these last few months I crieda lot and I cried hard because of her condition and knowing that her end was near.

But the day that it happened, I really didn’t have any tears. I had a few tears but nothing along the lines of what they probably should have been. (With Aunt Hattie, I cried for hours straight) See God prepared me for this day. He knew what he was doing when she had to be bedridden in November. It allowed us to begin the process of what it was going to be like without her.

God doesn’t make mistakes and He took her what He took her through because He knew she could handle it and He knew it would make us stronger in the end. Even Aunt Hattie was a part of His plan. A lot of us in the family are still grieving over her. One of my aunts just mentioned that she think Hospice gave her a shot and killed her. But see within this specific family we hadn’t really had any deaths since I’ve been born. So this was something that we weren’t used to. He took Aunt Hattie first to prepare us. We weren’t as strong with her because it came out of the blue. However, she was ready and I’m okay with that. Perhaps she knew that she was helping prepare us for what was to come. Y’all already know that even though we didn’t tell Ruthie that Aunt H had passed we felt like she knew. Especially when she mentioned out of the blue that she couldn’t reach Aunt H’s step. Aunt H loved her role as big sister and she wanted to play that role one more time. Some of my last words to my Ruthie were to go ahead since Aunt Hattie is waiting on her.

But her homegoing services were beautiful. It was a packed house and they had to let people sit in the choir stand. I also loved how ALL of the cars pulled over while we were in route to the cemetary. I was thinking to myself they must know how special this woman was to give her that much respect. Because I mean, all cars were pulling over.

It’s been over a week since she’s passed and I’m still doing okay. I just thank God for strength because I would have never imagined that I would have been able to handle this as well as I am. I am so grateful for all of the memories and having such a wonderful great grandmother in my life.All of us recieved the news about her being referred to Hospice. God gave us a year to get it together and cherish her. Everybody didn’t do their part and do as they should. However, I KNOW I DID MY PART AND THAT’S WHY I’M AT PEACE. I WAS ALWAYS THERE. She just had to look over her shoulder and she would have seen me. I was THERE loving every minute that I spent with her.

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. V Renee
    March 12, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    “I do not think y’all are hearing me” 

    HAHAHAHAHA!! Hilarious! 

    I love how when you look back on things and make the connection like “AhA! I see it now”. Things tend not to make sense at the time, but when you are able to connect the dots, it’s one of the best feelings in the world!! 

    RIP Aunt Hattie and Gan Gan – I never met them, but I KNOW they were amazing women! The strength of old people never ceases to amaze me.

  2. 80s
    March 12, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    I do not think y’all are hearing me

    @V… Yeah, I had to preach for a second…. Because Hospice isn’t suppposed to be around for a year. Hospice means soon and very soon. My cousin’s husband father was referred to Hospice maybe a month or so ago and guess what… He gone already. My great granny was like I’mma show y’all who in control. Even in her last days the nurses weren’t quite understanding and calling her a miracle. Yeah, that wasn’t nothing but God….

    It is one of the best feelings in the world. To finally understand that God already knew how much she meant to us and was just preparing us. We had our tears but it wasn’t a hard process in letting go. We were ready…. And I would have never expected for us to be so strong. Never in a million years… But we made it….

    ****Funny story: So her son was taking it hard. Like when the funeral home came and got her he was trying to climb in the back of the hearse to get to her and at the viewing he wouldn’t come in the church. My aunt finally grabbed him like come on and see how peaceful she look….. He was up there slobbering all on my great grandma and finally another man from my family went to go get him… But after the funeral my other uncle who went and got him was like shoooooot he wanted to be with her so bad I was bout to pick him up by his boots and throw him in that casket and shut it….. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha I was weak at that.****

  3. March 13, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    LMAO at the story!! Im always slightly amused at some point during a funeral. Especially when someone tries to hop in the casket.

  4. March 16, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    Hop the casket. There is always someone willing to do it.


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