Home > Uncategorized > Feeling a tad bit special

Feeling a tad bit special

*******Wooooohooooooooo I’m back!!!!!!!!  I had a ball on my vacation. Be sure to check out the facebook pics (once I upload them) and videos. One video is uploaded now. We were the Diva’s of Karaoke!!!! Ha Ha Ha Ha…. Make sure you pay attention to our manager. He was a fool.*******

Anyhow, the first stop once I got home on Wednesday night was my great grandma’s house. Everyone left her bedroom to allow me to talk to her and get my closure. It was hard. I didn’t know what to say. I can’t even remember what I said to her. I just kept kissing her on her forehead and told her I loved her. When I left I just knew that was probably gonna be the last time that I seen her alive. My grandma was steady giving me her blessing about still going on my trip and she wanted me to not be worrying and to have a good time.

On Thursday, during my layovers I would call my grandma and update her on my traveling status. And she was telling me that everything was fine. I called one more time Friday afternoon before the cruise ship departed and she said that everything was still the same. Not too long after we docked on Monday I had my big sister make the call. I was too scared. Surprise, Surprise but she was still holding on.

I soon found out that the weekend had been rocky. At one point the nurses had stated that she had an hour left. This was actually during the time that I had called on Friday. The family had lied to me. I understand why they did though. All weekend long she was yoyoing. Her vitals were constantly going up and down.

When my sister was talking to my mom she was saying she was waiting for y’all to make it back. She was like I’mma go tell her that y’all made it back. I spoke with my Aunt a short time later and she was just like she waiting on you to get back. For some reason that comforted me. Even though my great grandma was nonresponsive and didn’t actually say this I kind of felt like it was the truth. On Monday, I spent the day in Ft. Lauderdale and wasn’t even worried. I also wasn’t worried Tuesday afternoon. I wasn’t calling like I’ll be home in a few hours tell her to hold on. I wasn’t doing any of that. I just knew that she was gonna still be there by time I made it home.

I didn’t make it home til late on Tuesday. I went right over there. I sat in the kitchen conversing for a bit. Then everybody was like go tell her you back. I went in there and I just talked to her. I told her thanks for waiting for me. I told her that I made it back it safely. I told her I was home and I wanted her to go ahead and get her rest. I told her she didn’t have to fight no more that she had already did the unthinkable. (That was her 15th day of not eating or getting any liquids.) I was kissing her on her forehead and her cheek. I kept teasing saying I think you just wanted some more of my kisses. I also pulled back the covers and played with the fat I could find on her arm. I used to love to do that when I was younger. I was actually okay. I was at peace.

At first I was saying I was just gonna stay there for the remainder of the week. But after being over there I was just like this is not me. I can’t just sit around and wait for somebody to die. So I said my goodbyes and told the family I would see them on Friday. That night I slept like a baby. That was the first time I’ve done that in a while. I had been having trouble sleeping. I left for work yesterday morning and I was still doing okay. Yesterday, at work I was in my coworkers office telling them the status of my great grandma. I came back to office and had a missed call from my momma. I called her back and she was crying. She said that she had passed about a hour ago.

Surprisingly, I was still okay. Nothing like I was when I found out about Aunt Hattie. But I don’t know if it’s because I’ve already cried so much during this waiting stage. But I just didn’t have any more tears. I was also feeling a tad bit special. I’m like she did wait for me. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. 

Today I’m still doing okay. I was able to sleep like a baby last night too. I’m at peace knowing that I did my part. There was nothing more that I could do. I was there and had always been there. She was truly special to me and I’m so grateful that I have 27 years worth of memories. She was the #1 great grandma. Rest in Peace Gan Gan. I’m gonna always love my Ruthie!!!!

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