Home > Uncategorized > What would it take for you to fall in love with me?

What would it take for you to fall in love with me?

I’ve been open with you guys about my ex factors. During the beginning of this blog I gave you the spill of my ex from high school. Ironically enough since those blog posts both of us had kind of fell back from reaching out to each other. When we did text it was sporadic. However, I surprised myself because I realized that I actually missed the conversation.

Now, in case you aren’t aware of the story he has officially been in my life for over ten years. A few weeks ago I was at my parents house and I came across an old picture where a bunch of us in the family and him went bowling. I cracked up at the picture and had to text him because he had this huge scar under his eye that I had forgot all about it. It was cool to laugh with him and take a trip down memory lane.

On Friday, he texts me and we chat a few about our high school’s football players school choices since signing day had just occurred. Then he hit with me the question above: What would it take for you to fall in love with me. Of course I answered honestly and said I honestly don’t know. But what’s crazy is that this question has been in my head all weekend. Now, I’m wondering if it’s something that’s still there.

I’ve tried to weigh the pros and cons but I just don’t know. Of course the pros include his career, his credit score ( we argue about who’s credit scorer is higher lol), he’s in the process of getting his first home built and when he sent me the layout I was blown away because that was the vision of how I want my first home to be), good conversation, and my guard is already kind of semi down with him (not all the way down though). The cons include that baby. It’s like should I penalize him forever for being STUPID? But then at the same time his irresponsible choices took away an opportunity that I could never give him. His first child. Furthermore, his health issues. He’s healthy now but I’m pretty sure a relapse is possible. Another thing that’s probably something that I shouldn’t even worry about but the baby mama. Now, I know what it feels like to care for someone who doesn’t necessarily care for you in the same way. And it sucks. And I would never intentionally want to make another women go through what I went through. But should this even be my concern?

So during this text conversation he hits me with the you got me when you want me. And I honestly don’t know. I promise this is not a situation where I’m just trying to get booed up for the sake of being booed up. Whether I want to admit it or not there are still some feelings there on my end. I’ve just fought them for so long that I don’t know if I’m actually ready or willing to embrace them to see if it can go anywhere.

When he had came to visit me one time at my apt we had ran to the store. And at the store I slipped up and asked was he ready to go home.  I had realized what I had said and hoped he didn’t catch it. But he did. And he called me out about it like that flowed a lil to easy. We laughed about it but I could have kicked myself. I still don’t know how the heck that slipped out that easily.

I’m just soooooooooooooooo confused. Before I let this entertain my thoughts anymore I guess I need to just reach out to him some more about the possibility of it. Because he already know that I’m one tough cookie and I have to know if he’s willing to accept my rules the challenge. If not, then it can stop here.

I feel like we just need to have that one big discussion where we lay all of our cards out there on the table. Perhaps we can go from there. I don’t know. All of his cards may in fact be too much for me to handle. But at least I can say I tried. Right?

P.S. In a totally different subject my great-grandma is still hanging on. Hospice has told my grandmother that she’s showing signs and it’s nothing more they can do. Which we already knew. The family is spending even more time with her. Having sleepovers over there and everything. So it can be anyday. I really think this may be a time that I say Thank You Jesus after a death. I’m tired of seeing her suffer and it’s heart wrenching for us as a family to have to watch and wait. If you’re not familiar with the situation I’ve talked about it  here. I just ask that you continue to keep my family in your prayers.

 

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. Sunny
    February 8, 2010 at 10:58 am

    I think your worries are completely valid and normal. I think open communication is the best thing- tell him everything that you are concerned about. Also, pray about it CONSTANTLY- I think God is gonna reveal to you if this is the guy that you are supposed to be “courting” (lol) right now. It will be revealed- everything you want will be clear, if it’s in him.

    Good luck doll.

    I’m praying for your g-gma and fam also. 🙂

  2. February 8, 2010 at 11:15 am

    I am gonna keep your family in my prayers.

    about that sicho? hmmm I haven’t a clue!! lol

  3. ms80sbaby
    February 8, 2010 at 11:33 am

    @Sunny….I’m being open with him and I really think we need to lay all of our cards on the table….. I’m also gonna pray about it… So we shall see. Thanks for the prayers.

    @Mik…Thanks for the prayers as well. This isn’t the married one…… LOL

  4. Sunny
    February 8, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    No problem girlie.

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