Home > Uncategorized > I got to get myself together cuz I got some place to go and I’m praying when I get there I’ll see everyone (Aunt H) I know

I got to get myself together cuz I got some place to go and I’m praying when I get there I’ll see everyone (Aunt H) I know

Throughout this blog, I’ve mentioned my Aunt H a few times. The first time was regarding when she first went to Hospice . The second time was when I was a tad bit overwhelmed regarding the situation between her and great-grandmother. The third time was after witnessing her and her sister have a moment. Today, I feel it’s only right that I dedicate this post to her in honor of her passing of 12/18/09. I’m going to use the letter format because it’s so much that I want to tell her.

Dear My Number #1 Girl,

I’ve started this letter and deleted it so many times. So this time I’m just gonna write and quit trying to worry about whether it flows or not. I don’t think you realized how much you meant to me. I don’t even remember when our bond actually started. I know I’ve been in KY for the last nine years and it started since I’ve been here. But I remember stopping by your apt before I would get on the road to come back and then you would call me on the phone to make sure I made it home. That tickled me so. That my eldest relative was calling me on the cellphone. I was also tickled because after you got off the phone with me you would call your sister to tell her I made it home. I know you were starting something because you made it seem like I had called you so then your sister would be like well she didn’t call me. This scenario made me realize that sibling rivalry is FOREVER.

Aunt H, you were truly special to me even though you could have a mean streak. Yep, I have a scar on my hand now from when you decided to scratch me. I had just came from outside and put my hands over yours and asked if my hands were cold. You didn’t like that I did that and you scratched the mess out of me. Afterwards, you tried to look so innocent and did your infamous shrug like I told you to quit messing me with me. It’s funny though because you still bring that up years later. Just a few weeks ago I was with you trying to get you to take your medicine and you threatened to scratch me like you did in the past. Yep, that only clarifies that you knew what you were doing when you scratched me. And this same time you accused me of hitting you in the mouth. I can laugh about it because you know you were wrong. The nurse was trying to give you your medicine but you were being a bad girl and kept covering your mouth. I tried to talk you into taking it you wasn’t listening to me. I called my younger cousin who is your boy and he tried to talk you into taking the medicine and you weren’t having it. Finally, you agreed so I snuck and acted like I wanted to hold hands so you couldn’t cover you mouth with your hands. You opened your mouth but once you realized it was a pill in the pudding you tried to spit the pill out. So the nurse had the spoon on your lip to prevent you from spitting it out and I still had both of your hands. You kept trying to wriggle free from me. Then finally once you were wore out you said awwww I never would have thought that you was gonna do that to me. I’m like what I do. You said you hit me in the mouth. I chuckled and said now Aunt H you know I didn’t hit you in mouth.

I don’t know if I ever told you this but I admire your independence and strength. You stayed baffling doctors and nurses when you were in the hospital. Yep, when you were in the hospital earlier this year hooked up to heart monitors you still found a way to get into the bathroom. They were so surprised to find you in the bathroom in the middle of the night. Same thing with Hospice. You had to get moved to the room right in front of the nurses station because they caught you trying to get up. You didn’t wait for nobody. You did what you wanted to do when you wanted to do it.

You know you were also a sneaky one. One evening the nurses were getting you prepared for bed and you were in there letting them have it. I heard you cussing them out. They were covering you up with the covers and then I snuck in the room. Once you seen me you started raising up and pushing back the covers,  saying there go my niece. I called you out about your bad mouth and you did your infamous shrug and blamed the nurses. You said they made you act honary. (sp?)

It’s sooooo many memories that I will cherish. One that I will never forget is your APPETITIE. Aunt H you know you could eat. Oh man, whenever you seen somebody with something you just had to have it. And let’s not forget how you were always talking about you were hungy. We would say Aunt H but you just ate. Your response was always how you gonna tell me I’m not hungry. Oh man, thinking about these memories are making me laugh out loud. One time you were in the hospital and you asked me to feed you. I kind of looked at you like you were crazy but I knew you just wanted to be spoiled too so I went ahead and did it. You weren’t studding that roast beef or them vegetables. You wanted to me give you that cookie and after you bit into it. You said umph.  I’ve never had a unsweet cookie. You ate all of that unsweet cookie too.

Man, when I came on the 9th I went straight to see you. I walked in your room and you didn’t seem like yourself and you told me to have a seat. I did just that and then you would doze off. Every now and then I would catch you over there looking at me. Sometimes even smiling. I sat out there with you for a few hours I made sure you were comfortable. You even scolded me because I had moved the covers. You said don’t you ever move the covers from me I’m sick. I hated when you claimed being sick. To me you were fine. That same week, once I came back from out of town I came and visited you on that Sunday. We were laughing and joking. I even put my phone on speakerphone so you could talk to my sister for a bit. You looked at the phone like I don’t see nobody.

That night you started to wind down and you kept saying you had to use the bathroom. You had a catheter in so I kept telling you to just go ahead and go. You were like ohhhhhhh I’ve never been able to pee in the bed. I was like it’s okay this one time you can do it. You were not pleased with my answer. I was steady trying to talk to you through it and explained the reason why it would be okay  and I grabbed your hand. You looked at me and said what’s that gonna do I got to pee. I don’t know if you let it go or not but you started to relax. It had started to get late so I kissed your forehead and I told you I was leaving. You looked at me and asked if I was spending the night. I told you that I couldn’t because I had to go to work the next day and I said I’ll see you the next time I come home.

Those were the last words that we said to each other. I just can’t believe you are gone. I hear that I am taking this the hardest. As of now we haven’t told Ruthie. She doesn’t know. I’m sorry for being sad because I know this is not a sad occasion. Aunt H you were a faithful servant and I know you are in a much better place. You will most definitely always be in my heart. I stay hearing your voice, hearing you laugh, and seeing your face. Even today I got a phone call asking if I wanted to buy you a pillow to personalize and place in your casket.  I didn’t even hesitate. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do for you. I’m still trying to prepare myself for seeing you tomorrow. I will admit that I’m a little nervous though. This is so hard for me. One thing that’s getting me through is a song that I happened to come across on my ipod. Heaven by Mary Mary. Aunt H when I get to Heaven make sure you come and find me ASAP. Here’s a few of the lyrics:

I gotta get myself together, cuz I got someplace to go
And I’m praying when I get there, I see everyone I know
I wanna go to heaven, I wanna go to heaven, said I wanna go to heaven, I wanna go to heaven, do you wanna Go?

This is my song that’s helping me… .It’s only right that I end this with the last song that you wanted to sing:

Get right church and let’s go home
Get right church and let’s go home
Get right church, get right church
Get right church and let’s go home

I’m goin’ home on the morning train
I’m goin’ home on that train
I’m goin’ home, I’m goin’ home
I’m goin’ home on the morning train

Evening train might be too late
Evening train might be too late
Evening train, evening train
Evening train might be too late

Back, back train, and get your load
Back, back train, and get your load
Back, back train, back, back train
Back, back train, and get your load

You were already right and I guess you were ready to go home. May you rest in peace. I can see you now just having a ball. Dancing and living it up along with Aunt Cat. Tell her I said hey! Don’t worry about Ruthie, we’re still taking care of her. No one will ever replace your role as my # 1 Girl. Your appetitie shoes are too big too fill.  I will always love you. Yesterday, I came across your picture from your 100th bday party and I smiled the biggest smile. You will always be in my heart.

Let’s do this one more time as we part:

I hear your voice saying: See you later alligator

Me: Afterwhile crocodile

You: See you soon baboon….. (Hearing you breaking out in laughter)

Oh and one more thing… .You love to ask me if I was shacking…Don’t worry.. I’m not… And I never will. I don’t want you frowning on me from above…… LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. Sunny
    December 21, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    This was so sweet 80s!!!!!! Thanks for sharing. Be strong. 🙂

  2. V Renee
    December 21, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    Awwwwwwww how sweet!!! I loved this! Good luck tomorrow. I know it will be hard but you’ll make it through!

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