Home > Uncategorized > On the verge of a breakdown…..

On the verge of a breakdown…..

Okay let me stop. I shouldn’t say I’m on the nerve on the breakdown but it is tough. On my drive home I had got overwhelmed with the thought of what’s going on in my family. I knew my uncle was sick and they had put a time limit on his life. That’s why last time I was in Chicago we stopped by and went to see him in the hospital on our way back. He’s a man of few words. We didn’t want to impose too much and you know some people just flat out don’t want people to see them sick. We visited for a bit and then we hit the road and headed home. We had somewhat of a relationship because he always visited here and we would go there. So I wouldn’t call him all that distant.  I’m traveling to Gary, Indiana today for his funeral tomorrow. I was not missing this funeral because I had to miss his son’s funeral who is around my age a few years back.

It has actually been a while since I’ve been to a funeral. Even growing up I really didn’t experience my share of losses. That’s why as family we are kind of overwhelmed now. And to be honest it’s tough. So Aunt H was supposed to be released from Hospice weeks back. But that never happened. They worked something out where she could stay there for “rehabilitation” as opposed to being released to possibly a nursing home. Which is the better choice because this Hospice facility is very nice. Way better than any nursing home. It’s definitely a hard decision to make regarding the living arrangements of your elderly members. However, you have to be able to distinguish between taking on too much and realizing there’s another way and it’s called HELP. In our particular case, even though Aunt H was released from Hospice my grandmother didn’t feel that it was in her best interest to go home. Yes, there is someone who can stay with her once they get off of work and at night. But it’s still not the same as 24 hour care.

Yesterday, the strong winds knocked out my grandmother’s electricity. The new thing is the “hospital” beds that they bring in peoples homes are actually air mattresses. So once the electric went out my great grandmother’s bed started to deflate. My great grandmother had been referred to Hospice in the Spring but my grandmother declined to put her in there.  Nurses from Hospice still come to the house though. Due to the electric situation Hospice sent for an ambulance to come and pick my great grandmother up.

I know people may read this and think that favoritism is going on but that is definitely not the case. There was a time when Aunt H was able to still take care of herself and doing majority of things on her own. In the Spring, when my great grandmother was referred to Hospice, Aunt H was doing better and it was easier to care for the both of them. However, that’s not the case anymore and it is hard to care for two elderly people. I personally think my great grandmother needs to be out there permanently. My grandmother kind of knows that too but I don’t think she can bring herself to make the decision.

So last night once I got off the highway my first stop was Hospice. I went to check on Aunt H. And she wasn’t herself. She was just looking so pitiful. I had walked up to her and she’s like have a seat. She kept dozing off and then I would catch her waking up and looking at me. Every now and then she would smile.

At that time I didn’t know my great grandmother was in the next room. I knew my mom had mentioned my great grandmother coming out to Hospice but I couldn’t confirm it and I just didn’t want to go roaming the halls. And I didn’t care to ask for the nurses due to patient confidentiality and all that other stuff. I had sat out there for a minute with Aunt H then I left. I was down the street and my mother called and confirmed that my great grandmother was actually there so I turned around and went back. She was actually in the room right next to her. They were seperated by a bathroom.

I walked in and talked to my great grandmother for a bit. It’s the usual. Me saying hey pretty lady, how u feeling. And her response is awwww I’m not doing my best. So for the rest of the night I went back and forth between rooms. Yeah two rooms at Hospice. Can you imagine that? Other families visiting one room. No, my family two rooms right next to each other.

I was talking to my grandmother about majority of the family leaving for my uncles (her ex-brother in laws)  funeral. She said because she’ll be here by herself then she’s going to leave my grandmother in Hospice for at least  5 days. She said in case something happens she’ll be comfortable knowing someone will be available immediately.

Back to Aunt H….I really think she was acting like that because she must have got that vibe that her sister was in the room next to her. They should probably have some kind of connection after being a part of each other’s life for 95 years. I promise with them it’s like when one get sick then the other one get sick. They go back and forth.  I’m really curious to know if that’s why Aunt H was acting like that. Hopefully, I can sneak out there before we get on the road.

So I know this post is all over the place.  Just keep my family in your prayers.

Categories: Uncategorized

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